I♥AT

And that concludes my attempt to revive this super duper dead thing-that's-still-in-existence-for-the-strangest-and-unknown-reasons. Psh, one/two lined posts are all the rage now dunchaknow.

I♥AT

So today, 2nd of July 2011, my idol, inspiration, motivation and rolemodel of 6 years (and counting!) turns 26 :) Ashley Michelle Tisdale has been a part of that special fandom spot in my heart ever since I was 9 when I watched the first episode of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. She played Maddie Fitzpatrick and I guess you can say that I kinda fell in love! Of course, I didn’t go straight into obsession (which is what my fandom has become since then :P) but just like almost every other Ashley fan freak out there, my little passion exploded when High School Musical came out. Sharpay Evans, everyone’s favourite Disney diva, just led me into obsession with the movie, the soundtrack, and of course, Ashley Tisdale herself! Her acting, her singing, her dancing, her personality, and not to mention her insanely contagious and adorable laugh, just fueled my passion for this amazing personality and artiste :) I’d just really love for Ashley to know that I’ll always be one of her biggest fans ever, and I’ll definitely support her and her career no matter what ♥ She taught me that what truly matters is being yourself and only yourself, and that you should never let anyone or any rejection get in the way of what you want. I learned that as long as I work hard and be headstrong and fearless, I will get what I deserve. Ashley has never let anyone else tell her who to be, and has never let the media, paparazzi or any negativity for that matter, get the better of her, and I find that really inspiring! Probably no one has any idea how much she has inspired and motivated me to just believe and be fearless when it comes to chasing after my dreams and aspirations, but it’s still true, and I totally believe this fandom of mine’s never gonna end :) Ashley if you’re reading this (which is pretty impossible), thank you so much for being such an inspiring rolemodel to me! I really hope you have an amazing 26th birthday, so once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHLEY! I will always truly treasure Tisdale tidbit ♥

Today was shit horrible. I lost one of my sillybandz (the blue one shaped like a tortoise). Oh yeah, I failed math by a couple marks too. I'm just really sick of being so consistent of doing badly for math. It's almost like it's impossible for me to pass or something. But the thing is, I know I can pass, I definitely can but crappy results just keep coming back at me every single time. And if I keep this up I'm going to burn out and end up performing not up to my own expectations. I get it, perfection is never easy and I'm not aiming for that! I just want to do decently well and actually do my best, and not just saying it. I'm only in Year 3 and I'm this close to burning out - that says something and I'm hating it to the core.

I don't even know why I just broke down today. I mean, I already expected to fail, it's not my first time failing math, and I almost never succumb to my feelings (yes that's kinda robotic, but that's my thang k, leave me alone). Thanks a ton to Rachel Peier and Liyan though, I don't know what I'd do without you guys :) ... For the weirdest reason I feel like being even more socially awkward's gonna help chase my suck-at-math syndrome away. Ha I'm hilarious, since when did social shit go hand in hand with math. Well they both have something in common, they don't freaking matter once everything ends but they matter like hell on your way to the end of everything.

Whatever, you know what math, I'm going to KICK YO ASS because that's what Savannah Monroe would do, that's what Sharpay Evans would do, and that's definitely what Ashley Tisdale would do. So yeah. (Wuz just looking for a way to end my seemingly endless post, yo. Trolololol once again I am hilarious. I am so oddly gangsta today :l)

I♥AT

BUMBUMBUM HI! Gosh it's been heck long since I last posted :/ Guess that alone says that school's really been insanely busy! ... Or I'm just really lazy now hahahaaaa. Anyway from now on I'm going to actually utilize this blog (ew trololol, "blog"'s such a weird word.) in a way that's not going to contribute to my already-overly-abundant procrastination. So YES YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS :)

Oh yeahhhhh, it's major reflection time again.

Hahaha am I the funniest person or what. (... k that was a bit of an ego overload.) But uh, yeah I think I actually mean it this time. I'm pissed with how I'm so near to burning out thanks to pressure from all sources, I'm pissed with how much I've been slacking off and procrastinating, I'm pissed with every single stupidass thing that decides to pop out of nowhere, interfering with me and my sad life. Sorry I was just being way too much of a drama mama. I am/was/will always be (that's kinda dangerous) kidding.

Year 3, so far for me, hasn't been the most fun I've had, obviously. And I have to acknowledge that by now! Continuing to leave everything to the last minute isn't going to help, and yeah me typing this right now isn't helping either, BUT WHATEVER SHUT UP, I'M REFLECTING HERE. HA HA HA (excuse my insanity plz). I'm just a little sad cos I could be doing so much more with my free time, but I just choose not to, or simply can't because of the workload and all that. Like, I could very well be editing the whole day for TreasureTisdale, actually sew what I have in my sketchbook, sit down and just freaking paint or something. A lot of stuff that I know I can definitely find time to do if I weren't in an environment with drama and stress emerging all of a sudden. I'm not sure if anyone else feels the same way as I do, but I do honestly think that I'm sort of in between "caring-too-much-about-everything-when-you-shouldn't" and "have-no-idea-how-to-handle-things-properly".

Also, does anyone else think that you could be doing something so much more other than trying to catch up on the syllabus in school, or you know, being on Tumblr the whole day? (I know very well that I'm not going to get a reply out of that, so shoo -_-) Because I definitely feel that way. But then again, who cares, right? Other than yourself, of course. Guh. Typing all this yadayada did help though, yay. Yay me, cos I thought of it. So yay.

I♥AT

The Angels and Mortals thingy started a few days ago, and I really like my mortal! :3 She's super duper nice and sweet, UNLIKE MY DEAD ANGEL. K maybe he/she/it's just really busy with school too. Plus I still have my mortal to communicate with! OH my 15th was awesome, thanks to all my amazing friends :D (omg I totally forgot about my thank you post. No one ever reads it but I NEED to do it!) Valentine's Day was kinda meh, never really saw it as a deal anyway. I mean, I don't remember it being so... I dont know what the right word is, but yeah Valentine's Day was almost kinda ignored last year. Or maybe cos it was on a Sunday last year hahaaaa.

I♥AT and school and school and school.

Did I mention school yet. (O my god why am I trying reverse psychology.)

At first I was just annoyed at how I've just stopped doodling (well uh, the VA teachers would call it sketching, but you know, "sketching" just sounds stressful now that I'm hearing it so much.) at all, and it was all because of my stupid ass mindset that every page of my sketchbook HAS to impress, and it HAS to be a so-called final artwork or something. Whatever it was, it just had to be idealistic and um, perfect. Sad, I know. But I've been a perfectionist/OCD neat-freak/maybe just a psycho for so long, that insane fear's become so natural to me. As if I can't get rid of it and that it's going to stay with me for the rest of my life. The book Ana showed me was filled with really cool sketches from a bunch of artists' sketchbooks, and of course they looked awesome. But there was definitely one common thing that made me feel like they were indeed sketchbooks (i.e. something that's going to be your best friend as long as you decide to keep your artistic self.) - their thoughts.

None of them gave a damn about who was going to get a hold of their sketchbooks, they just doodled. Most of the sketches aren't masterpieces, not even "aesthetically pleasing", I would say. But then again my dumb perfectionistic mind was probably interfering again when I typed that last sentence. When I was in primary school I used to sketch/draw/doodle (pick your favourite, psh.) every single day, just as long as I had free time. And I didn't care how other people might react to the drawings. I guess I didn't even know how to be conscious of something so silly. I mean, sure I might have gotten "compliments" and stuff and sure they gave me giant confidence-boosts, but what I really loved the most out of the entire process was imparting whatever shit I had up there in my head to those scrap pieces of paper I'd find under my gramma's Chinese versions of Reader's Digest. I'm really glad - no, relieved - I kept my doodles till now though. I honestly can't imagine what I'd be like if I actually ditched VA altogether, as corny as that sounds.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is, I just wish I won't have to get that who-cares-what-others-think template back again, but only cause I don't want to lose it again. GINORMOUS SIGH.

O my gawd did I just type all of that.

I♥AT

Ullo! Sooo the first week of school is over and I have to say it was pretty damn awesome! :D Had OGL on the first two days, so I missed out on BLU (gosh I just realised that our school has SO many acronyms hahahha - ARC, IHSS, EXE, BLU, OGL, yadayada.) while the rest of the school was having theirs. I had TONS (no that's not an acronym HAHA - neither was that :l Okay I should stop now.) of fun during OGL, and I think I might wanna sign up for Year 1/Year 2 camp next year if I can! :) I had a blast working with the other OGLs coming up with all sorts of ideas for the Year Ones' orientation, and I think everything definitely paid off!

The Year Ones were a tiiiiny bit dead during the first part of orientation, but after a while they got warmed up and most of them are really enthusiastic now :D And I'm sure they love the superhero mass dance as much as I do hehehe. IT'S REALLY COOL YOU HAVE TO ADMIT. Miss Koh said we're going to have to demonstrate it to the whole entire school on Monday though :l uh, I can't say I'm excited trololol. But ah well, it's all for fun anyway :)

BLU was really really cool too, and sheeshzzzxxccc (no idea what that was, didn't even make sense HAHA.) I know "cool" isn't the right word to fully describe my experience and whatever I learnt and all that but PSH this isn't my ARC journal so yay. I'm entitled to inaccurate vocabulary and unnecessary letters/capitals/punctuation. Any-fracking-way, BLU was super interesting. I mean who even knew there were ways of knowing, right! (perception, reason, language and emotion HELLYEZ I REMEMBERED ALL FOUR.) I honestly have no idea how this year's going to be treating me though, and that goes for both VA and academics. So yes I'm worried but that's obviously not going to help :/ Just really gotta make sure I actually do work hard this year.

I said that at the beginning of last year and I didn't follow my own advice. I give myself really good advice, I just seldom follow it. (yay Alice In Wonderland reference.) 2011/Year Three's going to be a jump from Year Two so I can't afford to slack all year round again. Okay I'm just going to end the post here before I get all depressed about last year -_- I am such a little emo kid on the inside. ("emo kid" WHATWAZDAT.)

I thought the b&w version was kinda cool so I just put it there heh :p That's not the point though trololol. Happy NYE everyone! Enjoy the last day of 2010 hohoho.

I♥AT, 2010 and hopefully 2011 :)